WyrdSpirit

The sound of the water lapping at the boats soothed the anxiety that was threatening. It had been a very long time since I had ventured so far from home. I gazed at the many and varied crafts, some shabby, some beautifully maintained, others somewhere in-between. How would I know which one to choose? Perhaps it would choose me. I decided to simply walk, one foot in front of the other and let my senses direct me to my allotted craft and captain.

Breathing in the wonderfully salty air cleansed me and bought a feeling of immediate tranquility and being centred. A face appeared before me - old and incredibly weathered - trustworthy . The critic in me whispered “and clichéd” into my mind. Pah!. I looked up. Nobody there. I continued on. I felt Ti stir in my pocket, the movement a comforting reminder that I was not alone.

OH! I tripped clumsily on a hank of rope - my fall was halted by the grip of a strong arm. The arm belonged to the captain - there was that face!

I began to introduce myself but he cut me off telling me it was not necessary as he knew who I was.

“Follow me” he said.

His manner was such that it was obvious he would brook no argument so I trudged along behind him - all lightness and serenity having disappeared in an instant. Back to grounded reality then! Ti was now awake, her head poking out of my pocket catching food from the air. I usually trust her instinct so if she were relaxed enough to be feeding then this man was probably ok. I will admit to feeling somewhat intimidated.

Good grief - he had stopped at the most run-down, un-seaworthy-looking boat in the harbour. His eyes shot me a look that forbade any comment whatsoever. My heart sank - I prayed the boat would not. Clambering aboard, I went and sat where he pointed. Great - no chat here either. ‘Was my whole journey to be conducted in silence?’ I wondered. Oh well, so be it. I did feel rather uncomfortable, without the usual social niceties I wasn’t sure how to behave - it feels a little like being naked in an inappropriate situation. I shuddered, my skin prickled, I was deeply self-conscious. My mind wandered …..it is odd how one becomes self-conscious when being ignored - I suppose it is that we can’t leak into another and share ourselves …..

“Triton”, he suddenly said - well shouted - interrupting my meandering train of thought.

“Um, s’cuse me?” I stammered.

The look on his face could not have been plainer, the rolling eyes gave clear expression to his exasperation.

“For me to take you to Mudjimba you have to visit with Triton”, he explained, “We are nearing the chasm, you need this.”

He threw a wetsuit at me.

“Oh lord - I have to swim?”

“You have to dive!” he retorted and pointed to an aqualung which I had managed not to notice.

‘What the hell am I doing?’ I thought, quickly followed by ‘well no choice, I think even if I wanted to, this man would not turn back’.

“Where do I change?” I feebly asked. He just stared at me, it was plain to see there was no-where but right where I was - no nice little private cabin - this craft was little more than a rowboat. I groaned. Oh well nowt else for it…..I started to undress bit by bit trying to climb into the wetsuit as I went so only the smallest amount of flesh was on view at any given time. Excruciating! ‘When did we humans begin to be so uncomfortable in our own skins……..’, my mind was wandering off again.

“Oh blast”, I muttered or something close to that. I threw caution to the wind and disrobed. Wetsuits are not easy - I struggled and contorted but managed to get it on, hurrah.

Gruff - this is what I named the captain in my head, helped me on with the aqualung and showed me how to use it. For someone so stern of face and manner there was a true gentility within him.

Ok, so this is it. I am equipped. It is time to enter the water……….

Making my way to the docks I came across another vendor on the quayside - completely separated from the main markets of the town. She did not raise her head nor utter a sound yet I felt undeniably drawn to her. I trusted my sensing and approached her stall.

There was a very definite aura to this woman and her stall - almost tangible. As I drew closer I could feel myself surrounded by it - a truly divine sensation. She looked up and held me with her gaze for what felt like an age yet was, in fact, a matter of moments. On her stall was a display of stones - some of the earth, some of the sea, some rough, some smooth, some plain, some run through with colour or quartz. How I knew I do not understand for she said nothing, but I was aware that she wanted the stone in my pocket - the one I had brought from home. I had no hesitation whatever in giving it to her, so I held it out in the palm of my hand. She gently reached out and took it from me barely brushing my skin as she did so, yet as she did I experienced myself filled with the most exquisite sense of joy and peace. She placed the stone in a pouch which hung at her neck. Spreading her hands out over the stones on her stall she invited me to choose one in return.

Looking at them, I had no idea which one to pick. I closed my eyes. In my mind’s eye I could quite clearly see one of the sea stones glowing - this most definitely was the stone meant for me.

I thanked her with a bow of my head and a smile - not a word had passed between us. I felt the aura lift as I turned to proceed to the docks. As I approached the boats the vendor’s eyes appeared in my mind.

“How strange,” I thought to myself, “her eyes have the same intensity and feel of those of the young boy I met on the beach path”. I let the thought pass through my mind and go - I wanted to press on.

Ahead I could see a group of boats all colours, shapes and sizes……how would I know which one was ‘mine’?

I made my way through the open door, following the twisting corridor that led quite suddenly into open land. Before me lay the most fantastic array of people and goods - the sellers all had blankets on the ground upon which their produce was arranged.

This sketch is an approximation, I could not possible have included all the traders and the buyers as there would be nothing to see except backs and heads! It was incredibly busy. I edged my way through stopping to buy some fresh water, fruit and bread. I hoped the supplies I had would last me until I reached Mudjimba.

In the distance I could see a gathering, intuition told me these people were my fellow travellers…which meant that I would now have to join the Pageant that L’Enchanteur had organised and give my presentation. I gulped hard. Another personal hurdle. As I made my way to them I could feel myself becoming more and more excited. How lovely, I had anticipated being nervous but this was not that…this was, well, delight!

As I approached, several women turned and greeted me warmly as you would a long lost friend. I felt immediately at home with them and knew everything was more than fine.

I watched many of them perform, dancing, reciting, showing a film or two, then it was my turn. I had brought with me a piece of poetry that I love and which really speaks to me. It was this I wished to share plus a small sketch to go with my reading..I offer them both to you.

This is an excerpt from The Black Book of Carmarthen:

I am the wind that breathes upon the sea,

I am the wave on the ocean,

I am the murmur of leaves rustling,

I am the rays of the sun,

I am the beam of the moon and stars,

I am the power of trees growing,

I am the bud breaking into blossom,

I am the movement of the salmon swimming,

I am the courage of the wild boar fighting,

I am the speed of the stag running,

I am the strength of the ox pulling the plow,

I am the size of the mighty oak,

And I am the thoughts of all people,

Who praise my beauty and grace.

Thank you.

I took out some cloth I had in my bag and wrapped the coral carefully, padding it for safety.  I packed it gently into my bag - time to move on.

On leaving the Beach and those strange children behind me, I wandered up the tree-lined avenue to my right.   It was a very long walk but eventually I could see before me what looked like a doorway.

There wasn’t a sound, save for the rustling of the trees and the waves in the distance.  I carried on and came into a circular entrance-way.

I assumed the small doorway would lead to the Market Square.  I could now hear many sounds - talking, laughing, shouting, even someone singing, but took time to look at the walls which were now faded, but still visible were remnants of much symbolic decoration. However the light from the doorway beckoned me on.

I walked through entering into the Market Square.  Wow, colours assailed my eyes, there was colour everywhere - stunning!  Many doorways lined what I assumed was the main square in this covered part of the market.  I could hear much bartering going on within those walls.

I wasn’t sure at this point whether to explore each and every door.  Ti whispered that I had spent an awfully long time at Rainbow Beach already and perhaps it would be a good idea to go to the open part of the market,  buy the supplies I needed and proceed to the Pageant and although my curiosity was biting me, I agreed.

On the pathway up from the beach I come upon some children at play.  One child stops and looks at me with an intensity which takes me by surprise, he is so very young.

“Where are you going?”, he asks.

“I am on my way to begin a voyage”, I reply.

“Where are you going?”, he repeats.

“I am going to the market for supplies and then I am to find a boat”, I respond.

“It will be an interesting journey”, he says.

“Indeed”, say I smiling broadly.

He is staring hard at me.  Looking straight into my eyes…I feel a little uncomfortable.

“What have you lost?”, he asks.

I am taken aback.

“Um, nothing as far as I am aware”, say I.

“Okay”, says he and turns back to his playmates.

“How odd”, I think to myself as I walk on.  I have gone only a few feet when he calls, “Hold on”…….he comes running up to me.

“You may need this” he says grinning and hands me a piece of the most delicate red coral.

“Have fun” he laughs as he runs off returning to play.

I have been here on Rainbow Beach for what seems like a very long time indeed. I feel a reluctance to move on. It is the serenity here that holds me. I am used to the solitude that I have only recently acquired and feel a strong urge not to enter the mayhem that awaits.

The beach has a strange, yet familiar essence - there are murmurings coming from many different sources - it is difficult to catch individual words or sounds. The water itself invites me in - like a siren song luring me to its depths. I do not want to leave this place, this calm and gentle space.

A voice. I hear a voice. This one has clarity - a woman’s voice. I look around, I cannot see anyone, “Lift your eyes” . I look up, squinting into the rainbow sunlight - it is so difficult to see, but there in the distant mountain clouds I can just make out a face. You have to look very closely to see Her.

She softly hums, the tune eases my increasing tension. She understands my not yet feeling quite ready to leave my solitude, my not being ready to open to my imagination. She somehow knows of my fear - the fear, not of what I will find, but the fear that I will find nothing, that I will be empty, void of imagination and dreams.

She asks, “Will you trust me - if only for a moment?” I am already near to tears - she has exposed me to my own fears. I am trembling. I sit with these feelings and let the tears fall. I know I need to do this - I know I have invited this experience into my life so I answer, “Yes”. Immediately I am surrounded with warmth and tenderness which allow my tears to flow freely. I want to ask who she is but don’t, I know Her already I am sure. I feel something in my hand - it is the tiniest of silver keys. She tells me it is to unlock my self - the part I locked away for safe keeping whilst exploring the dark. She says, “It is safe now to open and let your whole self out to play. You can explore again without fear”.

I realise I have been holding my breath. I breathe deeply for a few minutes to centre myself, preparing to use the key. I am enveloped again, She holds me whilst I open the door. The door opens…….No banging of drums, no cymbals crashing, there is……..nothing?…..or perhaps it is everything!…..it is definitely full of light. This new journey. It is time then to leave the beach and go to the docks to join with the others. I do feel released. No fireworks perhaps, but there has been a subtle change, something has shifted - perhaps I am opening.

I sense her departure although I am aware She is never far away. I look behind me at the hustle and bustle of the market - all that noise - all those people! I am used to quietude - I don’t “do” noise and clamour and crowds. Well, I can contain my self. I think I have been afraid of not being able to do so - already I am learning much.

I settle down for my last night of sleep on this wonder-filled beach. I awake in the morning smiling. For the first time in many, many months I dreamt well and clear this last night:

“I was in a large house - very spacious, very light, lots of greenery - it was my home I think. An old schoolfriend and her man came to visit. I spent very little time with them as I seemed to be really busy, headless chicken type busy, doing what I’m not sure. The house had big gardens to the left and right. To the left the gardens were public and crowded - horrid - I wanted to know if there was a way to keep people out. To the right the gardens were private, for myself, family and friends etc - but these gardens were nowhere near as lush and verdant as the public gardens, there was plenty growing there, but it was obvious that my private gardens had not been attended to for a long time”

My interpretation was this: if the house is me which would include the gardens, it would seem that the public self has been well attended to and grown well - a good surface image although one I am apparently not altogether happy with; whereas the private self much less so - needs tending to. Within the dream, during my rushing about, I discovered some huge containers that I could plant to make the sparser garden more verdant. ‘Tis pretty clear to me what the message is - my private, ie inner self/selves need attention and much nurturing so I can grow. This was echoed by a tarot reading I decided to do before leaving the beach, the essence of the message being “The movement you want is internal”.

So, it is time, I can delay no longer. I ready myself - gathering my belongings….oh, what is this? I smile broadly - it is a small lizard, coloured as a rainbow who has crawled into my bag, she wishes to join me on my journey. Her name is Ti and this is she:

I can hold her and return to the serenity of Rainbow Beach whenever I feel the need. I hug her gently to my chest. I cannot express my gratitude fully, I feel overwhelmed - those tears threatening again - joyful this time.

Right, we are off. I take a very deep breath, stretch upwards, holding gently onto Ti who is nestled snugly in my pocket along with a stone gifted from home.

The message I have ‘received’ is very clear. I am delighted and enthused - the re-connection has begun, we are on our way. Armed with this feeling of contentment I turn to walk towards the docks and those friends who await me there.

I must admit I was somewhat surprised on having passed through the moon portal to find the rope continued and I had to climb down the other side onto Rainbow Beach.  I had imagined that I would gracefully descend, floating down to gently land on the beach.

Hmmm…intuition not fully honed yet then!

I stood transfixed by the beauty of the landscape that appeared before me.  I decided to stay here awhile and let the serenity of the scene seep into my spirit before turning to face the mayhem of the market and docks that lay several hundred yards behind me.

I am ready.

I am packed. My bag contains few items, I prefer to travel lightly. I have the gifts from L’Enchanteur in their pouch tied at my waist, along with a small knife, shaped and carved as a fish - a gift from an old, old friend. In my travelling bag I have a few changes of clothes and my essentials - note/sketchbooks, pens and my glasses, without which all is a blur. That is it, everything else I carry within my heart and my mind.

From my standing place I take a tentative step forward - am I sure? - Oh Yes! - One Hundred Per Cent Certain! - I have waited long enough - it is time. The preparation for this journey started, in fact, some twenty years ago. I had been journeying, traversing the multi-faceted realms of ‘otherworlds’ since childhood, yet I had forgotten this.

In adulthood, on reaching my late 20’s early 30’s I began to travel again. For years I was entranced by the flights I took, the dreamworlds I entered. I have always been a seeker.

In my mid-30’s, whilst journeying, I came across images and messages I had avoided before, but this time they were insistent and frankly terrifying. In spite of the fear I knew from previous experience that it was important to listen, that these were all gifts - messages to help me on my way. So I explored further, after seeking help to do so - it was obvious that this was one journey I should not be on alone. That exploration/excavation has taken the best part of the last 20 years - with many haltings and retreatings along the way. Now it is done. That journey is complete and become part of the whole that is me.

So, here I am, 57 this year, an apprentice crone, who is more than ready to begin a new journey. I have been aware for some time that I am at a crossroads, a transition period in my life and have been itching to get going. Aaaah the sweet relief of finding the right scratching post!

I have left my waiting stone and stepped upon all those in front of me, sure in the knowledge I was being led to my portal. By the time I had walked this long, long path it was night. I turned a corner and there ahead of me stood an ancient tree in whose outstretched hand the moon was resting. This was my portal. I came close. A roughly hewn rope ladder had been hung from her trunk, I climbed until I reached her outstretched hand, stepped onto it, breathed deeply and walked into the moon.

Whilst musing on the idea of which portal to use to enter Lemuria, I realised that I had, at some point in the fairly recent past, become estranged from my inner world/s.  I have felt that lack of connection for a long while, deeply missing these lands and the people they are populated with, those folk who have so much to tell and to teach.

I realise now that that sense of dis-connection has been a longing to let my imagination soar again.  I need to fly once more, I need to allow myself to descend into the earth and beyond - there are so many realms to discover, enjoy, be inspired by and, indeed, be tested by at times.

I know I withdrew, closed those ‘portals’ because of the discoveries I made on previous journeys - memories I had buried many, many years ago along with their associated emotions/scars etc.  Those memories though are now set free - I am no longer held, caught in the closed traps of the past - they have all been opened - no more skeletons to scare me.  I am free to let go and explore once again.

The dust and the cobwebs need to be cleared away so I will be carrying with me a rainbow feather duster along with all the keys to the doors I locked on the way in order to keep me “safe”.  I no longer have anything to fear - the dark has been explored and exposed fully - that door is wide, wide open - the sun now shines there on a small curly-headed girlchild who plays happily and safely in the fields of wild flowers, watched over,  in the safe keeping of her soul mother.

So, this is me, open, receptive and so grateful, standing at the gateway, ready to embark with my new-found friends, being led by a glorious and, I suspect, mischievous spirit - wonderful!!

Well here I am on the threshold. I am looking forward to the various paths I know I shall be treading within the intriguing worlds collectively known as the SoulFoodCafe.

This is a collage I did for an art journal entry. It felt fitting to reproduce it here.