I have been here on Rainbow Beach for what seems like a very long time indeed. I feel a reluctance to move on. It is the serenity here that holds me. I am used to the solitude that I have only recently acquired and feel a strong urge not to enter the mayhem that awaits.

The beach has a strange, yet familiar essence – there are murmurings coming from many different sources – it is difficult to catch individual words or sounds. The water itself invites me in – like a siren song luring me to its depths. I do not want to leave this place, this calm and gentle space.

A voice. I hear a voice. This one has clarity – a woman’s voice. I look around, I cannot see anyone, “Lift your eyes” . I look up, squinting into the rainbow sunlight – it is so difficult to see, but there in the distant mountain clouds I can just make out a face. You have to look very closely to see Her.

She softly hums, the tune eases my increasing tension. She understands my not yet feeling quite ready to leave my solitude, my not being ready to open to my imagination. She somehow knows of my fear – the fear, not of what I will find, but the fear that I will find nothing, that I will be empty, void of imagination and dreams.

She asks, “Will you trust me – if only for a moment?” I am already near to tears – she has exposed me to my own fears. I am trembling. I sit with these feelings and let the tears fall. I know I need to do this – I know I have invited this experience into my life so I answer, “Yes”. Immediately I am surrounded with warmth and tenderness which allow my tears to flow freely. I want to ask who she is but don’t, I know Her already I am sure. I feel something in my hand – it is the tiniest of silver keys. She tells me it is to unlock my self – the part I locked away for safe keeping whilst exploring the dark. She says, “It is safe now to open and let your whole self out to play. You can explore again without fear”.

I realise I have been holding my breath. I breathe deeply for a few minutes to centre myself, preparing to use the key. I am enveloped again, She holds me whilst I open the door. The door opens…….No banging of drums, no cymbals crashing, there is……..nothing?…..or perhaps it is everything!…..it is definitely full of light. This new journey. It is time then to leave the beach and go to the docks to join with the others. I do feel released. No fireworks perhaps, but there has been a subtle change, something has shifted – perhaps I am opening.

I sense her departure although I am aware She is never far away. I look behind me at the hustle and bustle of the market – all that noise – all those people! I am used to quietude – I don’t “do” noise and clamour and crowds. Well, I can contain my self. I think I have been afraid of not being able to do so – already I am learning much.

I settle down for my last night of sleep on this wonder-filled beach. I awake in the morning smiling. For the first time in many, many months I dreamt well and clear this last night:

“I was in a large house – very spacious, very light, lots of greenery – it was my home I think. An old schoolfriend and her man came to visit. I spent very little time with them as I seemed to be really busy, headless chicken type busy, doing what I’m not sure. The house had big gardens to the left and right. To the left the gardens were public and crowded – horrid – I wanted to know if there was a way to keep people out. To the right the gardens were private, for myself, family and friends etc – but these gardens were nowhere near as lush and verdant as the public gardens, there was plenty growing there, but it was obvious that my private gardens had not been attended to for a long time”

My interpretation was this: if the house is me which would include the gardens, it would seem that the public self has been well attended to and grown well – a good surface image although one I am apparently not altogether happy with; whereas the private self much less so – needs tending to. Within the dream, during my rushing about, I discovered some huge containers that I could plant to make the sparser garden more verdant. ‘Tis pretty clear to me what the message is – my private, ie inner self/selves need attention and much nurturing so I can grow. This was echoed by a tarot reading I decided to do before leaving the beach, the essence of the message being “The movement you want is internal”.

So, it is time, I can delay no longer. I ready myself – gathering my belongings….oh, what is this? I smile broadly – it is a small lizard, coloured as a rainbow who has crawled into my bag, she wishes to join me on my journey. Her name is Ti and this is she:

I can hold her and return to the serenity of Rainbow Beach whenever I feel the need. I hug her gently to my chest. I cannot express my gratitude fully, I feel overwhelmed – those tears threatening again – joyful this time.

Right, we are off. I take a very deep breath, stretch upwards, holding gently onto Ti who is nestled snugly in my pocket along with a stone gifted from home.

The message I have ‘received’ is very clear. I am delighted and enthused – the re-connection has begun, we are on our way. Armed with this feeling of contentment I turn to walk towards the docks and those friends who await me there.